A stained page
by timtom
Summary: Jim Moriarty had killed himself on that rooftop, and Sebastian had on some levels convinced himself that sentiment had never obscured his sight when it came to working for Jim, but when Jim shows up very much alive at their flat after four months of disappearance, it seems that Sebastian learns to acknowledge that he really had been lying to himself.


I've made a sequel to this, if you guys want to read it.

Second part is here: s/9194154/1/A-long-time-waiting

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Sebastian Moran was never of the sentimental type. As Jim – the name still scratching at the raw wound in his soul – always said, _"sentimentality is for the losing side."_ and he agreed. Even through those nights; those wonderful nights of skin on skin, lips roaming where they wished, warm breath whispering over each other's shivering bodies, gentle caressing and touching that opened parts in your mind to the possibility that this person was bringing out the better part of you every time they kissed you; touched you; told you they loved you even if you didn't believe anyone could love you. Even through the moments of his life that will forever hold the limelight in his mind, he never once did he admit to himself that he had any kind of feelings for Jim Moriarty that could even indirectly reference to sentimentality. Sentimentality isn't helpful – no matter how well-willed you start out, it will always come back to bite you in the ass. No scratch that, because that would personify sentimentality in the form of Jim Moriarty. Sebastian chuckled sadly; that bastard could live on arse alone for years in the desert.

It wasn't the sentimentality – that he did not possess – that troubled him, made him toss and turn in restless nights writhing in the sheets, his fingers scratching at his skin, as if he wanted to claw his way out of this weak body, to leave all that reminded him of Jim behind, because it was just pain and he couldn't escape it, not like how Jim escaped.

It really wasn't.

Sebastian slammed his fists down on the table, shaking its contents. He wasn't going to cry, he repeated to himself. That fucking criminal wasn't going to get that, even from the grave.

"You think you can just desert me like this, you fucking bastard!" He choked out, his eyes determinedly dry and his heart throbbing.

"Desert sounds delicious, yes please."

Sebastian turned his head. He had been minutely aware of the figure standing there from the corner of his eye, but wasn't really in the mood for consolidating the possibility of intruders. Standing in the doorway, was the man he had been cursing from the depth of his soul – who had taken a part of him with him when died; or rather didn't.

Jim Moriarty was wearing a simple but clean outfit – a white T-shirt, black jeans and a black blazer. Sebastian recognised the shoes – the bastard didn't even bother to buy new ones. It was a completely inconspicuous outfit – you'd blend right in, yet with Jim Sebastian was sure he could find him in a crowd in a heartbeat.

He stood abruptly, the chair he was sitting on toppling over with a crash. Jim hadn't even flinched from the sudden noise – he simply returned the same routine look that he gave and Sebastian couldn't tell what it was, but something was different. Sebastian wasn't sure what he was going to do – what can you do when someone who literally owned you and made your life just so much better was pronounced dead, and now stands in the doorway, as alive as the new hope flaring in his heart? The hope sent tingles around Sebastian's body, like his skin was set alight with flames, invisible hands under his entire anatomy reaching desperately for the man standing at the door, trying to hurl him from the spot. As if he had lost control of his body, he was suddenly aware that he had quickly closed the gap between them, and then almost willingly, as if giving into his wanton need, he tilted his head down and he had kissed Jim, as if to prove that he was real and he wasn't just an illusion; a mirage. And Jim had kissed him back.

Jim's lips were just as soft as he had remembered, the initial contact making Sebastian shiver, and he retreated then, an inch of air between their lips, thick with tentative lust and practically tingling with anticipation. It had always been like this during sex with Jim. Sebastian could initiate things, but it was Jim who consented and continued if not finished them. It would be a lie if Sebastian said that the first time Jim had ever asked him to consider any type of sexual work was the best moment of his life – he had spent countless days before that, simply as a worker, an employee of this cryptic, brilliant criminal mastermind that he watched over. It wasn't unexpected, seeing as how he was a live-in associate, and sometimes Jim's skilled thin fingers would trace their initials into his palm while they had breakfast, as if one day it would be branded into his skin and he would belong to Jim. Sebastian wondered if he really wanted that, deep down.

Yes.

Yes he wanted to be Jim's – he admitted. He'd never considered this but Jim is probably the only man – no person, on this earth that he's ever wanted to belong to. It wasn't love, per se. It wasn't companionship, those nights between the sheets proved that. Those nights – _that first night_ was the best moment of his life. The tentative lips on quivering skin, the electrifying eye contact that he knew would only spark in the dark between them two, the dancing of your heartbeat that made you want it more. It was simply the mutual feeling that they shared – the feeling that said _yes it's okay to do that, because I want you to_. And Sebastian loved it.

It was then that Jim became animated and dove back into the kiss, wrangling his hands around Sebastian's neck and crashing their bodies together. It was a chase of tongues and mouths that started slow at first, but quickly escalated to something that sent fuel to Sebastian's already twitching prick and

Fuck

Jim had reached down and his hand was coaxing him through his bloody pants. Sebastian panted into Jim's slightly parted smiling lips.

"Oh Sebby is such a good boy, oh yes." Jim whispered, licking Sebastian's lips. "Already all hard for daddy." The words were so familiar and yet so distant. How long had Jim been gone? Months. Three – four.

Jim's middle finger suddenly pressed sharply against the underside of Sebastian's already throbbing groin and Sebastian moaned loudly, his thoughts scattering for a second. His hardening penis was much too large for the confinement of his underwear and pants right now and he was sure that Jim knew – he's known it firsthand before now. The entirety of Sebastian's body just wanted to relax, and just melt into whatever Jim was going to do to him – to just enjoy it. But he can't do this now, not when he didn't really know what was going on and how Jim was here at all, and not _dead_, in his _coffin_, that Sebastian had personally _witnessed_ closing and lowered into the _earth_. His dick was shrieking at him to stop fucking thinking and start fucking fucking. But Sebastian mastered all of the self restraint he had and pulled away from Jim, his arms snapping taunt, putting a chasm between his body and Jim's, because he needed to know how and why – he wasn't some toy that Jim _owned_ and could come back to play with at any time anymore. As far as Sebastian could tell, that contract was nullified when Jim supposedly 'died'. But as if that was a bloody light signal and Jim was a plane, Jim shed his blazer and lifted the shirt from his head before Sebastian could utter a word. Then he reached under Sebastian's grey T-shirt, running his cold long fingers along ridges of muscle as well as scars, slowly moving to press against Sebastian again, his other hand moving to the back of Sebastian's neck in a familiar nook that seemed built especially for Jim's hand. He pressed his soft lips to Sebastian's, mimicking the motion of a rabbit gnawing on a carrot, gently nibbling on Sebastian's bottom lip. Sebastian felt his self restraint fade into a tiny 'no you mustn't' at the back of his mind as Jim and ran his hands up and down his chest, deliberately brushing his nipples several times, making him moan into their kiss.

Sebastian couldn't refuse himself what he wanted any longer because, fuck, it was obvious that Jim had worked out in the four months of his disappearance and Sebastian just wanted to touch him everywhere with his lips and leave bruises on his bones and marks with his teeth and scars with his fingernails. His body spasmed when Jim placed his hands on Sebastian's ass and pressed their hips flush together, the pressure against Sebastian's dick causing the flame to roar in the pit of his stomach.

In a fit of immense strength (and maybe because of a cramp in his neck due to tilting down at an awkward angle) Sebastian grabbed Jim's thighs and lifted him clean off the ground, earning a gasp in response. He quickly backed Jim into a wall, much too rough for his liking, but Jim growled a laugh and an _oh yes_, wrapped his legs around Sebastian's waist and attacked his lips with more ferocity than before, his tongue massaging heavily against Sebastian's, their lustful moans filling their living room.

Jim's thighs tightened around Sebastian's middle when Sebastian slowly rolled his hips into Jim's, stabling him against the wall, earning a hoarse moan and a frustrated groan as Jim grabbed Sebastian harder. Jim wasn't the only one who could get the other person to make desperate noises, Sebastian was trying to prove, but then Jim's hands tightened in Sebastian's short blonde hair and wretched his head back, exposing all the soft flesh on Sebastian's neck. He leant in to leave open mouthed kisses up the column of his neck, breathing _have you missed me?_ against the side of his Adam's apple, inadvertently butterfly kissing him in the most sensitive part of his neck. Sebastian gasped, _yes, yes, fuck yes Jim_ before his hardwire memory kicked him in the throat (and Jim bit him quite hard) and he choked out a _boss_.

He felt Jim smile against his neck and then groaned in frustration when his presence suddenly disappeared from his skin.

"Put me down." Jim ordered. Sebastian, used to simple orders from Jim, he automatically slacked his hands and returned Jim to his feet. Jim let his hands drift down, tugging at Sebastian's pants, and he bit on Sebastian's ear lobe, breathing heavily. Finally his pants gave, and Jim whispered slowly but clearly into Sebastian's ear.

"I'm going to make you come, Sebastian. I'm going to make you come without using my hands, would you like that?"Jim's hands ran themselves down Sebastian's back under his shirt as he spoke, his nails digging into the surface, leaving bright pinks marks down Sebastian's back like a tiger's stripes. He didn't wait for a nod, and dropped to his knees. Sebastian's pants were now already down and Jim peppered kisses along Sebastian's inner thighs and hips, but avoiding his groin altogether, savouring his soft skin under his lips.

Sebastian groaned broken vowels and shattered consonants with each kiss, bucking his hips every time Jim came close to his twitching prick. He tried to say yes, to nod, but all that came out were _ye, ye-es, fuck_ and shudders.

Jim chuckled against Sebastian's hip bone, and without giving Sebastian time to even inhale, he turned and roughly mouthed Sebastian's erection through his underwear and Sebastian cried out, looking for a stable point because the coil in the pit of his stomach had begin uncoiling and he was uncoiling too and the world spun and he thought that if he didn't hang onto something he was going to be hanging on by his dick in Jim's mouth, and that just wasn't on for a second first impression. His hand found the wall, the other winding its digits into Jim's dark brown locks, and he groaned again. Jim would clamp his teeth lightly on the covered penis, and then quickly soothing it with his tongue and mouth, leaving his underwear moist and Sebastian shaking.

Jim quickly hooked his fingers into the waistband of Sebastian's underwear, pulling it down and his flushed cock springing forward like a lance. It was hard as a rock and Sebastian thought he was going to explode in Jim's face. He hadn't had any relief since Jim left, other than from himself – and that's just not the same. Jim chuckled as if he had read Sebastian's mind and went ahead and dragged his slick tongue from the base to the tip of Sebastian's twitching prick, applying as much as pressure as possible against the thick vein on the underside of his dick leaving a shining wet gleam in his wake, watching and gauging Sebastian's reaction as he did so.

Sebastian groaned loudly, throwing his head back and breaking eye contact, shutting his eyes, something along the lines of _ah boss fucking fuck_ riding on his breath, his grip tightening around Jim's hair and precum loading on the head his erection and dripping onto the floor. Jim gazed at it and dipped the tip of his tongue in it, never touching his head and eyed up at him through his forest of dark eyelashes, something like hunger and taunt glinting in the dark chocolate brown. Then Jim opened his mouth a fraction, and blew on his dripping dick.

Sebastian hissed and tightened his grip on his hair so hard he thought he was going to rip Jim's head off, and Jim moaned. The cool air against his wet dick made it twitch and quake and it shook Sebastian to his core as it quickly dried, leaving his dick throbbing, red, and leaking.

"Boss," He managed. "Boss_ahh-_" his breath hitched as Jim wasn't wasting any time and swallowed him in one swift movement. The warm and moist environment made Sebastian's dick sing with praise and pulse with please. He could – _fuck_ – he could feel the back of Jim's throat. The head of his penis was pressed harshly against it and every time Jim took him into his mouth again and moved his tongue around his cock he would smear precum all over the back wall of his throat. He grounded and panted, still leaning against the wall.

Jim retreated to the head and sucked, hollowing out his cheeks and swirling the tip of his tongue against the slit through which precum was still leaking, before taking him all into his mouth again, smashing Sebastian's dick against the back of his moist throat. Sebastian wanted to just grab Jim's head and fuck his mouth and leave him swollen and red and dripping but he knew he couldn't. Even on such intimate terms Jim wouldn't hesitate to punish him – the thought of punishment reminded him of the time Jim had spanked him, and it made his cock pulse almost painfully. Every now and then, Sebastian would look down and Jim would jerk on his dick with his lips almost painfully – though Sebastian loved it – as if to forbid it. After a few glances, Sebastian concentrated on not collapsing or choking on his gasps instead.

He wasn't going to last much longer at this rate, but he didn't see how this bliss could end at all. Then Jim, the mischievous cunt, saw the familiar telling look of near-the-brink-of-snapping look on his face and started _humming_. And it was 'God save the Queen' the cheeky fuck. And the vibrations coursed through his veins and his dick was screaming now and it was screaming yes in all different languages because the feeling of the vibrations against his erection and Jim's clever tongue pressing and his teeth making their presence clear now and again when Jim drew him from his mouth slightly before slamming it back in again and Jim's nose would be nearly touching Sebastian's actual pelvis and then

Jim swallowed.

And his mouth cavity muscles tightened around his dick, squeezing it, and Sebastian came with a shout, came so hard he saw stars and thought he was going to collapse. He came, bucking his hips into Jim's mouth, making Jim gag as he pushed his dick further down his throat, the cum pouring out and Jim was swallowing even though he couldn't taste it Sebastian was so far back down his throat. Jim pulled Sebastian's slick dick out of his mouth and sucked on his tip, milking him with his hand as he massaged his balls with the other – a potent routine for drawing out Sebastian's orgasms – lathering the head in its own cum with his tongue before swallowing it all. And as Sebastian rode out his orgasm, leaning against his arm – his precious anchor on the wall – Jim waited patiently; then as his sensitive penis softened again, Jim tucked it lovingly back into his underwear, kissing the bulge it left, making a very responsive Sebastian shudder. He redid Sebastian's pants, stood up, and kissed Sebastian on the lips. It wasn't opened mouthed and Sebastian was too exhausted to taste anything, and just wanted to sleep. He had never had such a massive orgasm before and he didn't know if it was doubled by the shock of Jim's return and he felt like he was drowning by waves of exhaustion. As soon as Jim stood up Sebastian half collapsed into his arms and Jim laughed as he struggled to keep the large man upright. He half dragged half hobbled to the bedroom with Sebastian, and they collapsed onto the bed together, the sheets being wrangled beneath them.

"I swear, when I recover – and figure out what had fucking happened to you," Sebastian drawled, suddenly remembering the important part in this whole 'hey I'm back' thing. "I'm going to fuck you so hard you're going to be walking sideways for the rest of your life."

Jim chuckled loudly against Sebastian's chest, wrapping his arms around it. "It's a date, Sebby." He said, hugging him tightly before he stood up to go. Sebastian grabbed his wrist, wrenching him back.

"Don't leave, I don't want you disappearing again." Sebastian murmured, not insincerely. His soft voice made Jim's smile disappear, and guilt enveloped him standing where he stood attached to Sebastian – whom he had watched over for the past 4 months, watched his little Sebby's heart slowly breaking and him searching for the piece to put it back together. But Jim's abandonment was like a spot of ink on a once perfectly clean page, the colour spreading out like fire, burning all strings of possibilities so that they can never wind back to their coherent own again. Sebastian wasn't going to look at him the same again, not after this – all of this.

Jim just hoped that the page wasn't too stained to still go on.


End file.
